1 00:00:01,421 --> 00:00:03,077 I am so glad to finally be here, you guys. 2 00:00:03,102 --> 00:00:04,187 Thank you for having me in. 3 00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:05,484 And, uh, how... how was Denver? 4 00:00:05,509 --> 00:00:07,257 Denver's great. Uh, I saw a Rockies game. 5 00:00:07,297 --> 00:00:08,624 - That's always fun. - You know, 6 00:00:08,649 --> 00:00:10,335 I love what they've done with that stadium. 7 00:00:10,422 --> 00:00:11,669 - Mm-hmm. - Just really revamped 8 00:00:11,694 --> 00:00:13,134 that whole area. [CELL PHONE BUZZES] 9 00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:14,722 And they've got some great restaurants. 10 00:00:14,747 --> 00:00:15,987 I mean, that place is really... 11 00:00:16,012 --> 00:00:17,643 [MUFFLED CHATTER] 12 00:00:18,136 --> 00:00:21,636 ? ? 13 00:00:21,879 --> 00:00:22,880 Michael. 14 00:00:23,259 --> 00:00:26,101 - You've been to Denver, right? - I was there for two hours. 15 00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:27,894 And I thought I was going to be really cute, 16 00:00:27,919 --> 00:00:30,521 and I got myself a Denver omelet... 17 00:00:31,103 --> 00:00:33,906 [SOLEMN ELECTRONIC MUSIC] 18 00:00:33,931 --> 00:00:35,648 ? ? 19 00:00:35,894 --> 00:00:37,242 But that's an opportunity for us. 20 00:00:37,267 --> 00:00:38,549 That's what I was saying earlier 21 00:00:38,574 --> 00:00:39,935 about the residential component... 22 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,213 - Mm-hmm. - Of the overall model 23 00:00:41,238 --> 00:00:42,478 would allow for growth there 24 00:00:42,503 --> 00:00:43,969 which again... [CELL PHONE BUZZING] 25 00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:46,762 Something I wanted to bring up was just... 26 00:00:46,998 --> 00:00:48,600 [MUFFLED CHATTER] 27 00:00:48,977 --> 00:00:51,913 [SOMBER STRING MUSIC] 28 00:00:52,197 --> 00:00:56,043 ? ? 29 00:00:56,492 --> 00:00:58,861 Uh, too prodigious of a water feature 30 00:00:58,886 --> 00:01:00,387 in terms of the, uh, aeration 31 00:01:00,456 --> 00:01:02,355 [MUFFLED] of the golf course. 32 00:01:02,380 --> 00:01:04,480 You know, I think... I think it's going to be great. 33 00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:05,853 Guys, all we need 34 00:01:05,878 --> 00:01:07,410 is NGF approval. [CELL PHONE BUZZES] 35 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:08,836 I'm not worried about them at all. 36 00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:10,321 - Yeah. - You know, I know those guys 37 00:01:10,346 --> 00:01:13,823 and, uh... [MUFFLED CHATTER] 38 00:01:13,848 --> 00:01:15,393 - Footprint of this, you know. - Right. 39 00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,209 [MUFFLED CHATTER] 40 00:01:17,498 --> 00:01:19,562 [SOMBER MUSIC] 41 00:01:19,587 --> 00:01:22,194 I was happy even before I saw it. 42 00:01:22,219 --> 00:01:25,356 - Mm-hmm. - I was... oh, my God. 43 00:01:25,381 --> 00:01:27,717 [CHUCKLES] I go, "You know what?" 44 00:01:27,742 --> 00:01:30,077 I approve but I don't want the color changed, 45 00:01:30,102 --> 00:01:31,772 "and I want this whole thing yellow." 46 00:01:31,797 --> 00:01:32,803 [TENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC] 47 00:01:32,828 --> 00:01:33,873 - [LAUGHING] - Yeah, right? 48 00:01:33,898 --> 00:01:35,134 Remember how much you laughed? 49 00:01:35,159 --> 00:01:36,929 - Yeah. - When I said "yellow." 50 00:01:36,954 --> 00:01:37,962 [CELL PHONE BUZZES] 51 00:01:37,987 --> 00:01:39,511 There aren't a lot of these properties 52 00:01:39,536 --> 00:01:40,542 going up as it is. 53 00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:41,705 The grassless driving range 54 00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:44,097 cuts 20% off our water usage. 55 00:01:44,197 --> 00:01:45,845 The first thing I said was I approve. 56 00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:47,017 - Mm-hmm. - I'm happy. 57 00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:48,332 - Remember this, Erin? - Mm-hmm. 58 00:01:48,356 --> 00:01:50,324 - Yeah. - I really need you to 59 00:01:50,349 --> 00:01:52,192 you know, look at this to make sure it's right. 60 00:01:52,217 --> 00:01:53,385 [SOMBER MUSIC] 61 00:01:53,410 --> 00:01:54,416 [TENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC] 62 00:01:54,441 --> 00:01:56,611 Yeah, well, somehow I think it's 63 00:01:56,636 --> 00:01:57,955 more cost effective. 64 00:01:57,980 --> 00:01:58,989 Mm-hmm. 65 00:01:59,014 --> 00:02:00,223 You know, for the whole group. 66 00:02:00,248 --> 00:02:01,382 I was worried about... 67 00:02:01,407 --> 00:02:04,344 [INTENSE MUSIC BUILD-UP] 68 00:02:04,369 --> 00:02:06,104 [CELL PHONE RINGING] Uh, hey, buddy. 69 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,172 No phones. 70 00:02:07,197 --> 00:02:08,298 We have a no phone policy 71 00:02:08,323 --> 00:02:09,598 at the meetings, buddy. 72 00:02:10,299 --> 00:02:13,235 [DREAMY CHILLWAVE MUSIC] 73 00:02:19,767 --> 00:02:22,769 ? ? 74 00:02:31,366 --> 00:02:33,635 [CALMING MUSIC PLAYING] 75 00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:35,067 ? ? 76 00:02:35,092 --> 00:02:37,027 Mr. Mayor, is everything okay? 77 00:02:37,102 --> 00:02:38,937 You, uh... you said it was urgent. 78 00:02:39,063 --> 00:02:40,164 It's very urgent. 79 00:02:40,189 --> 00:02:41,290 Uh. Sorry. 80 00:02:41,315 --> 00:02:42,338 My crystal reading skills 81 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,798 are just a little rusty. 82 00:02:43,823 --> 00:02:46,376 Oh, what? You mean my earwax sculptures? 83 00:02:46,401 --> 00:02:48,369 No. That's not it. 84 00:02:48,394 --> 00:02:49,896 [THUD, WHIP] It's this. 85 00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:51,351 Do you see this? 86 00:02:51,646 --> 00:02:54,470 It's common knowledge. Portland is very white. 87 00:02:54,495 --> 00:02:56,531 Yes, but "least diverse"? 88 00:02:56,556 --> 00:02:58,858 Least? I don't want to be the least at anything. 89 00:02:58,883 --> 00:03:00,818 You know, I actually think that's a great idea. 90 00:03:00,843 --> 00:03:03,612 I think it's a good time to do some soul searching, 91 00:03:03,637 --> 00:03:05,630 to ask ourselves those tough questions. 92 00:03:05,655 --> 00:03:07,669 Tough, well, the only tough questions I want to ask 93 00:03:07,694 --> 00:03:10,797 is why that journalist is printing these lies. 94 00:03:10,923 --> 00:03:14,359 I have many people of color working here at City Hall, 95 00:03:14,384 --> 00:03:16,086 many people of color. 96 00:03:16,111 --> 00:03:17,115 - That's great. - Yes. 97 00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:18,374 Sam, get in here. 98 00:03:18,694 --> 00:03:19,959 - Yes, sir. - Sam. 99 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:21,179 - Are you white? - I am. 100 00:03:21,204 --> 00:03:22,213 [SIGHS] Damn it. 101 00:03:22,380 --> 00:03:24,550 - But you're gay, right? - Yes. 102 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,272 A rainbow isn't white. 103 00:03:26,446 --> 00:03:29,115 Um, Jessie, Phil, Susan, Chuck. 104 00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:30,561 Darn it. 105 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:31,773 - All white. - Still white. 106 00:03:31,798 --> 00:03:33,159 [SIGHS] It's just not right. 107 00:03:33,184 --> 00:03:34,484 Darn it. Wait, wait! 108 00:03:34,509 --> 00:03:35,718 Who are you? 109 00:03:36,369 --> 00:03:38,571 - Um, I'm Mike. - Mike! 110 00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:40,577 What is your position here at City Hall? 111 00:03:40,615 --> 00:03:42,317 Oh, I'm... I'm just visiting. 112 00:03:42,342 --> 00:03:43,975 I could never live in this city. 113 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,968 - This city is too w... - Don't say it. 114 00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,894 - W... - White? 115 00:03:47,919 --> 00:03:49,054 - Wet. - Wet? 116 00:03:49,149 --> 00:03:50,217 - White? - What? 117 00:03:50,242 --> 00:03:52,010 - Wait. - Wait, no. 118 00:03:52,282 --> 00:03:53,683 I'm sorry, Mike. Thank you. 119 00:03:53,708 --> 00:03:56,344 We'll work on making the city less wet. 120 00:03:56,571 --> 00:03:58,901 [SIGHS] This is awful. 121 00:03:58,926 --> 00:04:01,410 Mr. Mayor, you know that I'm not white. 122 00:04:01,435 --> 00:04:02,869 - You're not white? - Mm-mm. 123 00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,195 You know, I always suspected. 124 00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:05,583 I just thought you were maybe sick 125 00:04:05,608 --> 00:04:07,143 or had that thing that Vin Diesel has. 126 00:04:07,194 --> 00:04:08,328 No, no. 127 00:04:08,357 --> 00:04:09,558 My dad's Korean, 128 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,159 and my mom is from Venezuela. 129 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,276 How is that possible? 130 00:04:12,301 --> 00:04:13,708 Those countries are very far apart. 131 00:04:13,733 --> 00:04:14,740 Isn't that crazy? 132 00:04:14,765 --> 00:04:15,769 How do you know all this? 133 00:04:15,794 --> 00:04:17,260 I took one of those home DNA tests. 134 00:04:17,285 --> 00:04:18,287 They're great. 135 00:04:18,312 --> 00:04:19,557 They tell you where you're from 136 00:04:19,582 --> 00:04:20,848 like down to a percentage. 137 00:04:20,873 --> 00:04:22,040 - Really? - Hardly anybody 138 00:04:22,065 --> 00:04:23,438 is 100% European. 139 00:04:23,691 --> 00:04:26,227 Hardly anyone is 100% European. 140 00:04:26,486 --> 00:04:28,255 - Well, this could be great. - What could? 141 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,548 Well, we just need to test the entire city of Portland. 142 00:04:30,573 --> 00:04:31,587 [MARTIAL MUSIC] 143 00:04:31,612 --> 00:04:33,148 Oh! Right. 144 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,591 Sam? Sam? Yes, Sam. 145 00:04:35,616 --> 00:04:38,149 We need to have DNA testing on all the citizens of Portland. 146 00:04:38,174 --> 00:04:39,827 - Would you get on that? - Uh, that sounds 147 00:04:39,852 --> 00:04:41,257 - slightly unconstit... - Thank you! 148 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,093 That's fantastic! 149 00:04:43,118 --> 00:04:45,453 We are gonna prove to that journalist 150 00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,621 that we are actually very diverse. 151 00:04:47,715 --> 00:04:49,049 This is kind of exciting. 152 00:04:49,074 --> 00:04:51,169 I might be, uh, a little Norwegian. 153 00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:52,552 Oh, I don't think so, Carrie. 154 00:04:52,679 --> 00:04:54,246 I have an eye for Scandinavian women, 155 00:04:54,271 --> 00:04:55,706 and they're much taller than you. 156 00:04:55,731 --> 00:04:57,199 And also blonder. 157 00:04:57,224 --> 00:04:59,726 [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC] 158 00:05:00,237 --> 00:05:01,605 ? ? 159 00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:03,940 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 160 00:05:03,965 --> 00:05:05,400 Tiger Stadium? 161 00:05:05,425 --> 00:05:07,219 That is not the oldest in the country. 162 00:05:07,244 --> 00:05:09,013 That's bullshit. It was rebuilt in the '40s. 163 00:05:09,231 --> 00:05:11,900 No one remembers that or writes it down, but yeah. 164 00:05:11,925 --> 00:05:13,893 So, you guys got to get some salmon burgers. 165 00:05:13,918 --> 00:05:16,428 Go get a salmon burger. I made a bunch of them. 166 00:05:16,453 --> 00:05:17,461 Hey. 167 00:05:17,486 --> 00:05:19,258 What's up, buddy? Are you enjoying the party? 168 00:05:19,283 --> 00:05:20,367 Yeah, this is a cool party. 169 00:05:20,392 --> 00:05:21,438 You have a great pad here. 170 00:05:21,463 --> 00:05:22,469 Ah, you're nice. 171 00:05:22,494 --> 00:05:23,821 Thank you very much. 172 00:05:23,892 --> 00:05:25,078 Hey. 173 00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:27,014 So, um... 174 00:05:27,216 --> 00:05:30,319 It's crazy what's going on in Venezuela right now. 175 00:05:30,550 --> 00:05:32,184 Hard... hard to believe. 176 00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:33,676 I don't think it's hard to believe. 177 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:34,881 I think it's easy to believe. 178 00:05:34,906 --> 00:05:37,842 [TENSE MUSIC] 179 00:05:38,479 --> 00:05:40,803 ? ? 180 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,745 Right? Ch�vez put Maduro in power exactly for this reason. 181 00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:46,705 Right? Because there's all this chaos that brings dependency. 182 00:05:46,845 --> 00:05:49,047 It's the kind of chaos that they like. 183 00:05:49,443 --> 00:05:50,810 That's our monster. 184 00:05:50,835 --> 00:05:52,904 We created like uh, uh, Frankenstein. 185 00:05:53,209 --> 00:05:54,630 What's Venezuela's main export? 186 00:05:55,372 --> 00:05:56,787 - Um. Na... - Oil. 187 00:05:56,812 --> 00:05:58,068 So what's America's investment? 188 00:05:58,093 --> 00:05:59,698 - Money. - No, oil companies. 189 00:05:59,723 --> 00:06:02,230 Ah, we're standing here with our dicks in our hand. 190 00:06:02,303 --> 00:06:03,831 We're shitting bombs out of our asses. 191 00:06:03,856 --> 00:06:05,825 Guess what's gonna blow up? Our own assholes. 192 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,126 [EXPLOSIONS] 193 00:06:07,151 --> 00:06:08,915 Damn. I didn't even know all that. 194 00:06:09,025 --> 00:06:10,493 Yeah, but you know what? 195 00:06:10,518 --> 00:06:12,327 - It's pretty crazy. - But it's all out there. 196 00:06:12,846 --> 00:06:16,240 Man, it's... crazy what's going on in Venezuela. 197 00:06:16,873 --> 00:06:17,943 What's going on? 198 00:06:18,683 --> 00:06:22,817 What was it, 1979? We put those guys there. 199 00:06:22,997 --> 00:06:24,097 Hmm? 200 00:06:25,856 --> 00:06:27,747 We sell them oil. 201 00:06:28,939 --> 00:06:30,408 Doesn't Venezuela produce oil? 202 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:33,257 A billion... $1 billion... 203 00:06:33,895 --> 00:06:35,108 Um... 204 00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:37,639 [DOORBELL RINGS] 205 00:06:38,183 --> 00:06:40,084 Hi. Sorry to bother you. 206 00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:41,554 I was at your party the other day. 207 00:06:41,579 --> 00:06:43,147 We talked about politics and Venezuela. 208 00:06:43,172 --> 00:06:44,640 I remember you, yes. Hi. 209 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:45,667 Yeah. 210 00:06:45,692 --> 00:06:48,073 I just embarrassed myself at work. 211 00:06:48,098 --> 00:06:52,848 And you seem so knowledgeable about politics and the world. 212 00:06:54,058 --> 00:06:55,336 How do you do it? 213 00:06:55,467 --> 00:06:57,169 It's so easy. It's a trick. 214 00:06:57,396 --> 00:07:00,432 I just memorize a few things about one little subject 215 00:07:00,707 --> 00:07:02,474 and just focus on those. 216 00:07:02,499 --> 00:07:04,502 Say, for me, it's a country, right? 217 00:07:04,527 --> 00:07:05,924 So I pick Venezuela. 218 00:07:06,399 --> 00:07:09,933 What you do is you just remember a leader from there, 219 00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,341 uh, a year that they were in office. 220 00:07:12,366 --> 00:07:14,651 Well, what if I would have brought up a different subject? 221 00:07:14,676 --> 00:07:17,478 You steer the conversation back to that subject. 222 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,770 - Huh. - So, okay. 223 00:07:18,795 --> 00:07:20,325 Pick out any subject matter. 224 00:07:20,525 --> 00:07:22,259 Go ahead. You start talking about it. 225 00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:23,989 What about like Ancient Greece? 226 00:07:24,014 --> 00:07:25,036 No, like in Venezuela? 227 00:07:25,061 --> 00:07:27,597 With Maduro and Ch�vez? They put them there. 228 00:07:27,622 --> 00:07:29,790 It's a vacuum. Bush. Let's do it for you. 229 00:07:29,815 --> 00:07:30,983 There you go. Southeast Asia. 230 00:07:31,277 --> 00:07:32,817 So just pick out one. 231 00:07:33,965 --> 00:07:36,936 - Cambodia. - Ah, this is great. 232 00:07:36,961 --> 00:07:38,533 No one's gonna challenge you on this. 233 00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:39,900 So, look at that page. 234 00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:42,892 Find a sentence that has, uh, a number in it. 235 00:07:42,986 --> 00:07:46,457 Cambodia, independence in 1953. 236 00:07:46,482 --> 00:07:49,051 - Memorize that. - Prime Minister Hun Sen. 237 00:07:49,076 --> 00:07:51,278 Yes, perfect. So, Hun Sen. 238 00:07:51,303 --> 00:07:53,271 - Remember that name. - That's it? 239 00:07:53,296 --> 00:07:54,841 And you want to throw in some curses. 240 00:07:54,866 --> 00:07:56,747 You know, you want to be a little rock and roll. 241 00:07:56,772 --> 00:07:58,708 Just a little... pepper it in a little, you know, 242 00:07:58,733 --> 00:08:00,622 - "We're holding our dicks." - Mm-Kay. 243 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,115 - All right? - Holding our dicks. 244 00:08:02,152 --> 00:08:03,920 You know what's a good one? [BLEEP]ers. 245 00:08:03,945 --> 00:08:06,147 Those [BLEEP]ers think that they can get away with that? 246 00:08:06,172 --> 00:08:07,873 And right away you got passion in there. 247 00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:09,340 That's it. That's all you need. 248 00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:10,931 And who put the Khmer Rouge into power? 249 00:08:10,956 --> 00:08:11,978 We did. 250 00:08:12,003 --> 00:08:13,604 President Carter was college roommates 251 00:08:13,629 --> 00:08:15,864 with Hun Sen, and they got their independence in, 252 00:08:15,889 --> 00:08:17,291 what was that? 1953? 253 00:08:17,489 --> 00:08:19,290 But they had a puppet in power. 254 00:08:19,315 --> 00:08:21,721 A puppet. 1953. 255 00:08:21,746 --> 00:08:23,080 All right. 256 00:08:23,261 --> 00:08:25,029 [APPLAUSE] 257 00:08:25,663 --> 00:08:27,665 [JOYOUS MUSIC] 258 00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:39,520 ? ? 259 00:08:39,545 --> 00:08:41,013 I'm starving. 260 00:08:41,192 --> 00:08:43,037 Me too, Tiff. 261 00:08:43,284 --> 00:08:45,453 It's been like five days, right? 262 00:08:45,656 --> 00:08:48,165 Five days and they still haven't met our demands. 263 00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:49,200 [SIGHS] 264 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:53,273 It's a struggle to breathe. That's how hungry I am. 265 00:08:53,298 --> 00:08:54,799 [DOWN-TEMPO GUITAR CHORDS] 266 00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:56,741 Is there anything that's like eating, 267 00:08:56,766 --> 00:08:58,077 but you're not really eating? 268 00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:00,138 If I got, like, lemon seeds and just sort of, like, 269 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,817 - sucked on them? - That's kind of horrible. 270 00:09:02,974 --> 00:09:05,505 They haven't met our demands, and we are going nowhere! 271 00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:06,798 We'll be right here. 272 00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:08,714 How about a hunger strike cheat day? 273 00:09:08,739 --> 00:09:10,247 - [GASPS] - It's just really quick. 274 00:09:10,272 --> 00:09:11,632 We get some sesame seeds. 275 00:09:11,657 --> 00:09:13,554 You know, suck on them for a little while. 276 00:09:13,579 --> 00:09:15,080 Put some stuff in our mouths. 277 00:09:15,608 --> 00:09:16,816 And come right back. 278 00:09:16,841 --> 00:09:18,576 All right, one Caesar salad. 279 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:19,965 Would we like anything else today? 280 00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:22,092 No, this is all that we want. 281 00:09:22,117 --> 00:09:23,618 We're barely gonna eat this at all. 282 00:09:23,643 --> 00:09:25,011 - Okay. - All right? 283 00:09:25,036 --> 00:09:26,598 And we're gonna ignore the croutons. 284 00:09:26,860 --> 00:09:29,270 I'm just gonna take a little bit of this lettuce 285 00:09:29,295 --> 00:09:30,764 and just for the green, 286 00:09:30,789 --> 00:09:32,222 so that I can stay alive, 287 00:09:32,247 --> 00:09:33,615 I'm just gonna, like... 288 00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,809 Just put it behind my teeth. 289 00:09:36,062 --> 00:09:38,742 And your complimentary quesadilla. 290 00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:40,682 No, no, no, no. We did not order this. 291 00:09:40,707 --> 00:09:42,151 We are just sticking with the salad. 292 00:09:42,176 --> 00:09:44,210 They... they come together. All right, thanks. 293 00:09:44,481 --> 00:09:45,770 What do we do? 294 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,481 Well... 295 00:09:47,506 --> 00:09:49,940 They made... okay. We're not gonna eat... 296 00:09:50,265 --> 00:09:51,554 I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 297 00:09:51,579 --> 00:09:53,983 I'm going to breathe in 298 00:09:54,132 --> 00:09:57,848 some of the dust from the tortilla. 299 00:09:58,345 --> 00:09:59,346 Just... 300 00:09:59,371 --> 00:10:00,405 Pah-peh-peh. 301 00:10:00,715 --> 00:10:01,883 Pah-peh-pah. 302 00:10:02,262 --> 00:10:03,631 Pah-peh-bah-Ba. 303 00:10:03,933 --> 00:10:04,975 [INHALES LOUDLY] 304 00:10:05,006 --> 00:10:06,038 Don't eat it. 305 00:10:06,318 --> 00:10:07,553 Whatever you do. 306 00:10:07,578 --> 00:10:08,604 [DARK TENSE MUSIC] 307 00:10:08,629 --> 00:10:09,643 Pah-peh-pah. 308 00:10:09,668 --> 00:10:10,702 [INHALING LOUDLY] 309 00:10:11,232 --> 00:10:12,366 ? ? 310 00:10:12,399 --> 00:10:13,670 They haven't met our demands! 311 00:10:13,695 --> 00:10:16,264 [ECHOING] And we are going nowhere! 312 00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:18,191 [LAUGHTER] 313 00:10:18,419 --> 00:10:19,853 There's cheese in the eggroll. 314 00:10:19,878 --> 00:10:20,945 Put that right over there. 315 00:10:20,970 --> 00:10:22,067 [UPBEAT MUSIC] 316 00:10:22,092 --> 00:10:23,197 Meatballs. 317 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:24,556 Can I have a couple more, please? 318 00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:25,615 One, two, one, two. 319 00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:27,186 [CHEWING LOUDLY] 320 00:10:27,310 --> 00:10:29,333 [LAUGHING] 321 00:10:29,358 --> 00:10:31,075 Hey, Josh, what do you think? 322 00:10:31,357 --> 00:10:34,293 [TENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC] 323 00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:40,996 ? ? 324 00:10:41,089 --> 00:10:42,357 These dunkers are good. 325 00:10:42,486 --> 00:10:44,421 ALL: Yeah! [LAUGHTER] 326 00:10:44,446 --> 00:10:46,380 These dunkers... [CHEWS LOUDLY] 327 00:10:46,405 --> 00:10:48,241 These dunkers are good. 328 00:10:48,266 --> 00:10:49,733 Good. Good. 329 00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:52,058 - Good. Good. ALL: Yeah! 330 00:10:52,242 --> 00:10:54,578 These dunkers... Du... Du... Du... 331 00:10:54,856 --> 00:10:56,290 These dunkers... good... 332 00:10:56,338 --> 00:10:57,705 These... good. Good. 333 00:10:57,775 --> 00:10:59,377 These... good. Good. 334 00:10:59,402 --> 00:11:01,670 - ALL: Yeah! - Du... Du... dunkers are good. 335 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,626 Du... Du... dunk... dunkers... are good. 336 00:11:03,876 --> 00:11:05,547 [BELL RINGS] 337 00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:08,009 We will not relent! 338 00:11:08,646 --> 00:11:09,657 Change can't happen 339 00:11:09,682 --> 00:11:11,050 if no one's paying attention. 340 00:11:12,022 --> 00:11:13,037 [BURPS] 341 00:11:13,062 --> 00:11:14,077 Good. 342 00:11:14,198 --> 00:11:16,266 [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC] 343 00:11:16,811 --> 00:11:18,680 ? ? 344 00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:21,453 [SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING] 345 00:11:21,478 --> 00:11:23,004 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 346 00:11:23,029 --> 00:11:24,309 Welcome, everyone. 347 00:11:24,334 --> 00:11:27,276 Welcome to Portland's Potluck of People, 348 00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:29,854 a night where we celebrate the diversity 349 00:11:29,879 --> 00:11:31,981 that is our great city of Portland. 350 00:11:32,006 --> 00:11:33,973 You know, before DNA testing, 351 00:11:34,178 --> 00:11:36,524 we were 75% white. 352 00:11:36,732 --> 00:11:39,969 Now there is scarcely a white person 353 00:11:39,994 --> 00:11:41,863 in the entire city of Portland. 354 00:11:41,888 --> 00:11:45,057 We are more diverse than New York City or even Detroit. 355 00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,741 [APPLAUSE] Huh. 356 00:11:47,965 --> 00:11:51,601 Now, to show our journalist friend just how this works, 357 00:11:51,626 --> 00:11:54,362 I'm gonna have Fred read the latest results 358 00:11:54,494 --> 00:11:56,629 of our DNA testing. Fred. 359 00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:58,014 Great. Thank you so much. 360 00:11:58,039 --> 00:11:59,707 Uh, all right, is Judd here? 361 00:11:59,889 --> 00:12:01,499 Why don't you come on up? 362 00:12:01,592 --> 00:12:03,861 All right, Judd's genetic breakdown is 363 00:12:04,153 --> 00:12:06,488 98% Northern European, 364 00:12:06,613 --> 00:12:08,894 1% Broadly European, 365 00:12:09,007 --> 00:12:11,275 - 0.5% Ashkenazi Jew. - Hm. 366 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,235 0.25% African, 367 00:12:13,382 --> 00:12:15,084 0.25% other. 368 00:12:15,253 --> 00:12:17,078 0.25% African. 369 00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,539 I'm black. Yes. 370 00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:22,249 - Hey, congratulations, Judd. - Congratulations. 371 00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,674 [APPLAUSE] 372 00:12:23,699 --> 00:12:25,215 Well, we lost another white person, 373 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:28,265 but the melting pot continues to grow. 374 00:12:28,646 --> 00:12:30,664 Well, Anna, as you can see, 375 00:12:30,689 --> 00:12:33,964 Portland is much more diverse than how you characterized us 376 00:12:33,989 --> 00:12:34,990 in your article. 377 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:36,016 - What? - Yeah. 378 00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:37,308 Well, look, there's Tim. 379 00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:38,763 Hey, Tim. [LAUGHS] 380 00:12:38,788 --> 00:12:40,884 I mean when are you going to see something like that? 381 00:12:40,909 --> 00:12:42,343 Coachella. 382 00:12:42,368 --> 00:12:43,969 My favorite festival. 383 00:12:43,994 --> 00:12:45,162 - Hi, Carrie. - Hey. 384 00:12:45,187 --> 00:12:46,888 - Nice hat. - Thank you. 385 00:12:46,913 --> 00:12:49,086 I mean, obviously I wouldn't have worn this a week ago. 386 00:12:49,111 --> 00:12:50,926 That would have been offensive, but, you know, 387 00:12:50,951 --> 00:12:52,559 I just wanted to acknowledge my heritage. 388 00:12:52,584 --> 00:12:53,902 - I can see that. - Yeah. 389 00:12:53,927 --> 00:12:55,195 Oh, uh, Carrie can teach you 390 00:12:55,220 --> 00:12:56,488 how to use chopsticks. 391 00:12:56,513 --> 00:12:57,725 I know how to use chopsticks. 392 00:12:57,750 --> 00:12:58,884 Ah, but have you learned 393 00:12:58,909 --> 00:13:00,933 from an actual Japanese person? 394 00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:03,768 And Chico, our token white guy. 395 00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:05,661 And I've got a little Scottish in me as well. 396 00:13:05,686 --> 00:13:07,754 - Oh, I love Scotland. - Oh, I tell you what. 397 00:13:07,779 --> 00:13:09,880 What you need to do is take a trip to Scotland. 398 00:13:09,905 --> 00:13:11,814 Learn how to play golf. 399 00:13:12,531 --> 00:13:14,962 - That's all there is to it. - All right. 400 00:13:14,987 --> 00:13:16,333 Sounds perfect. [CHUCKLES] 401 00:13:16,358 --> 00:13:17,755 Fred, why don't you tell Anna 402 00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:19,138 about the play you're working on? 403 00:13:19,163 --> 00:13:20,230 Yes! Oh, this is great. 404 00:13:20,463 --> 00:13:21,708 It's called "Purple Roots." 405 00:13:21,733 --> 00:13:23,551 And it's, uh, part "Color Purple" 406 00:13:23,576 --> 00:13:24,610 part "Roots." 407 00:13:24,635 --> 00:13:26,004 It's about a black hair salon 408 00:13:26,053 --> 00:13:27,788 - in the Depression-era South. - Yeah. 409 00:13:27,813 --> 00:13:29,706 - All black cast. - Mm. 410 00:13:29,731 --> 00:13:31,700 [STAMMERING] 411 00:13:32,786 --> 00:13:33,926 - I know. - Yeah, incredible. 412 00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,454 How about you, Mr. Mayor? 413 00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:37,045 Did you find that you had a little, uh, 414 00:13:37,070 --> 00:13:38,504 Fonz in your DNA? 415 00:13:38,529 --> 00:13:40,064 You know, it turns out 416 00:13:40,089 --> 00:13:43,592 I'm a 110% Puerto Rican. 417 00:13:43,617 --> 00:13:44,948 How is that possible? 418 00:13:44,973 --> 00:13:46,541 Anna, ask me in Spanish. 419 00:13:46,566 --> 00:13:48,150 C�mo es eso posible? 420 00:13:50,219 --> 00:13:51,658 Ayyy. 421 00:13:53,030 --> 00:13:55,331 I can't decide if we should do the seven course 422 00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:56,991 or the 12 course prix fixe. 423 00:13:57,016 --> 00:13:58,755 Mm, I think 12 course. 424 00:13:59,045 --> 00:14:01,599 It's a special night. 425 00:14:01,624 --> 00:14:02,798 Happy anniversary. 426 00:14:02,823 --> 00:14:04,624 Happy anniversary. 427 00:14:05,202 --> 00:14:06,837 Mmm. Mmm! 428 00:14:06,862 --> 00:14:08,731 - Mmm. - BOTH: Mmm. 429 00:14:08,844 --> 00:14:10,646 - Steak tartare. - That's raw. 430 00:14:10,721 --> 00:14:13,124 - [GASPS] Raw like you. - Mmm. 431 00:14:13,292 --> 00:14:14,560 - Whoa. - Oh, my. 432 00:14:14,585 --> 00:14:15,962 I'm gonna finish this whole thing. 433 00:14:15,987 --> 00:14:17,185 Oh, I can taste young onions. 434 00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,091 - I like your young onions. - I like your cream. 435 00:14:19,116 --> 00:14:20,692 Mmm. [BOTH EXHALE] 436 00:14:20,717 --> 00:14:22,020 This is the mushroom stroganoff. 437 00:14:22,045 --> 00:14:23,418 I'd like you to "strog" my "noff." 438 00:14:23,443 --> 00:14:24,843 Well, I'm going to. Mmm. 439 00:14:25,103 --> 00:14:26,238 BOTH: Mmm. 440 00:14:26,263 --> 00:14:27,330 [GAGS] 441 00:14:27,355 --> 00:14:28,822 Oh, more pasta. 442 00:14:28,847 --> 00:14:30,750 - So much meat. - It's a zoo in here. 443 00:14:30,775 --> 00:14:32,777 - I want to visit that zoo. - Get in my cage. 444 00:14:32,802 --> 00:14:34,202 [TIGER ROAR] 445 00:14:34,227 --> 00:14:35,695 [SLURPING] 446 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:36,821 [CRACKING] 447 00:14:36,846 --> 00:14:38,147 [SLURPING] 448 00:14:38,172 --> 00:14:40,041 [BOTH GULPING] 449 00:14:40,775 --> 00:14:41,942 Mmm. Mmm. 450 00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:44,069 - [BURPS] - [HICCUPS] 451 00:14:44,302 --> 00:14:45,983 Oh, thank you. 452 00:14:46,008 --> 00:14:48,186 - All right, let's go home. - The night is still young. 453 00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:50,562 [CRICKETS CHIRPING] 454 00:14:50,587 --> 00:14:52,163 [ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC] 455 00:14:52,304 --> 00:14:53,702 - Oh, I love you. - I love you. 456 00:14:53,845 --> 00:14:56,280 BOTH: Mmm, mmm. 457 00:14:56,456 --> 00:14:57,923 ? ? 458 00:14:57,948 --> 00:14:59,182 [STOMACH RUMBLES] I'm sorry. 459 00:14:59,207 --> 00:15:00,612 Did you want to be on top? 460 00:15:00,637 --> 00:15:01,759 No, I want you to be on top. 461 00:15:01,784 --> 00:15:02,818 No, can we be... 462 00:15:02,843 --> 00:15:03,983 let's both be on the bottom. 463 00:15:04,008 --> 00:15:05,537 All right, I'll be on the bottom too. 464 00:15:05,562 --> 00:15:06,576 How do we do it? 465 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:08,230 I think what I need is to take my stomach 466 00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:09,923 - and rest it on the bed. - Okay. 467 00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:12,365 [STOMACH RUMBLING] Sorry. Ooh, sloshing. 468 00:15:12,390 --> 00:15:13,891 - There you go. - [BURPS, EXHALES] 469 00:15:13,916 --> 00:15:16,062 - Um. Um. - I'm having trouble. 470 00:15:16,087 --> 00:15:17,159 - It's the squash. - Yeah. 471 00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:19,019 I'm trying to rest my belly on your back. 472 00:15:19,095 --> 00:15:21,496 The squash was too creamy, I think. 473 00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:23,568 This is... oh, yeah, I'm settling in. 474 00:15:23,593 --> 00:15:25,161 Yeah, there you go. 475 00:15:25,186 --> 00:15:27,922 Hun... [BURPS] 476 00:15:27,947 --> 00:15:29,615 I have to go. I have to throw up. 477 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,342 Okay, hold on. [SLOSHING, POP] 478 00:15:31,508 --> 00:15:33,501 [GROANS] All right, I'll be right back. 479 00:15:33,526 --> 00:15:34,795 I'll be right back. Okay, okay. 480 00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:36,549 Don't take too long, all right? 481 00:15:36,574 --> 00:15:38,229 - I won't, I won't. - 'Cause I have to use 482 00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:39,784 the bathroom too. Don't come back yet. 483 00:15:39,809 --> 00:15:40,887 I'm gonna fart real quick. 484 00:15:40,912 --> 00:15:43,455 - [FARTS] - [RETCHING] 485 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,136 [SPLASHING] 486 00:15:46,235 --> 00:15:48,637 [CONTINUES RETCHING] 487 00:15:48,721 --> 00:15:50,289 [ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC] 488 00:15:50,314 --> 00:15:51,481 Honey. 489 00:15:51,506 --> 00:15:52,574 [KNOCKING] 490 00:15:52,599 --> 00:15:53,700 Don't take too long, okay? 491 00:15:53,725 --> 00:15:55,046 I have to go to the bathroom too. 492 00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:56,975 And as soon as I'm done, I'm gonna come out here 493 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,200 and finish making love to you. 494 00:15:58,225 --> 00:15:59,426 Yeah, um, 495 00:15:59,451 --> 00:16:01,513 I, uh, I need another minute. 496 00:16:01,538 --> 00:16:03,106 - Okay? - Oh. 497 00:16:03,131 --> 00:16:04,564 [FARTING] 498 00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,190 It's okay. 499 00:16:06,543 --> 00:16:07,677 Please don't touch me. 500 00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,045 [FARTS] 501 00:16:10,489 --> 00:16:12,825 It sounds like there's nothing left. 502 00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:14,017 It's all air. 503 00:16:14,465 --> 00:16:15,642 [FARTING] 504 00:16:15,952 --> 00:16:17,553 Is that you or me? 505 00:16:17,578 --> 00:16:19,513 - It's me. - Wait, here's me. 506 00:16:19,538 --> 00:16:20,582 [SQUEAKY FART] 507 00:16:20,919 --> 00:16:22,877 That's the shrimp. [SPLASHING] 508 00:16:22,902 --> 00:16:24,010 I love you so much. 509 00:16:24,035 --> 00:16:25,049 I love you too. 510 00:16:25,074 --> 00:16:26,096 [LOUDLY BURPS] 511 00:16:26,261 --> 00:16:28,329 [ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC] 512 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,688 ? ? 513 00:16:29,798 --> 00:16:32,232 - Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. - Ow. Ow. Ow. 514 00:16:32,526 --> 00:16:34,335 Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. 515 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,843 - Ow. Ow. - Ow. Ow. 516 00:16:35,868 --> 00:16:37,036 - BOTH: Ow. Ow. - [FARTS] 517 00:16:37,061 --> 00:16:38,062 - Ouch. - [EXHALES] 518 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:39,118 [EXHALES, BURPS] 519 00:16:39,143 --> 00:16:41,113 [ROOSTER CROWING] 520 00:16:41,849 --> 00:16:43,316 Good morning. 521 00:16:43,511 --> 00:16:45,713 - Morning. - Guess what I'm thinking. 522 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,806 - Breakfast? - I'm starving. 523 00:16:47,831 --> 00:16:49,044 [BLISSFUL MUSIC] 524 00:16:49,069 --> 00:16:50,083 [FARTS] 525 00:16:50,368 --> 00:16:53,304 [UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC] 526 00:16:53,938 --> 00:16:54,938 ? ? 527 00:16:56,353 --> 00:16:59,289 [UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC] 528 00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:03,422 ? ? 529 00:17:11,203 --> 00:17:14,138 [ORCHESTRATION MUSIC PLAYING] 530 00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:19,672 ? ? 531 00:17:20,177 --> 00:17:23,113 [PIANO MUSIC] 532 00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:33,215 ? ? 533 00:17:41,854 --> 00:17:44,790 [DISTRESSING MUSIC] 534 00:17:47,999 --> 00:17:54,873 ? ? 535 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,123 Check this out. 536 00:18:21,542 --> 00:18:23,110 It's a pulled quote from the article. 537 00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:24,300 It's a what? 538 00:18:24,565 --> 00:18:26,292 - From the article. - Oh, wait, the article. 539 00:18:26,317 --> 00:18:28,127 - I want to see it. - The journalist sent over 540 00:18:28,152 --> 00:18:30,212 a preview of what's gonna be printed today, but, um, 541 00:18:30,237 --> 00:18:31,659 we need to come up with a response 542 00:18:31,684 --> 00:18:33,415 - at some point in time. - Fine, I just want 543 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:34,907 - to see the article. - Yeah. 544 00:18:34,932 --> 00:18:36,628 - Well, it's, um... - No, no, let's see it. 545 00:18:36,653 --> 00:18:38,418 - Let's see it. - Oh, you got it right there. 546 00:18:38,443 --> 00:18:39,810 - Okay, I'd love to see it. - Yeah. 547 00:18:39,835 --> 00:18:40,861 Wait. 548 00:18:41,418 --> 00:18:43,419 - Oh, no. - Oh, Mr. Mayor. 549 00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:44,517 - No. - No, it's okay. 550 00:18:44,542 --> 00:18:46,578 We're the most something city. 551 00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,671 Are you legally allowed to do that? 552 00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:50,580 You know, with the bumper stickers and the shirt 553 00:18:50,605 --> 00:18:52,526 - and everything? - Oh, well, it's a direct quote 554 00:18:52,551 --> 00:18:53,807 from the... from the title. 555 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,159 This a gross mischaracterization 556 00:18:55,184 --> 00:18:56,572 of what she's saying. 557 00:18:56,597 --> 00:18:58,282 But I needed to shorten it so that it would 558 00:18:58,307 --> 00:18:59,995 - fit on a bumper sticker. - Wait a minute. 559 00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:01,507 So you saw the preview of the article 560 00:19:01,532 --> 00:19:03,468 and then you had bumper stickers and shirts made? 561 00:19:03,493 --> 00:19:04,837 - Yes. - How many bumper stickers? 562 00:19:04,862 --> 00:19:06,316 Well, we have these five. 563 00:19:06,409 --> 00:19:08,144 - And? - And 5,000 more. 564 00:19:08,169 --> 00:19:09,703 Well, how recently did you see this? 565 00:19:09,728 --> 00:19:10,855 We go... we move quickly. 566 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,675 We should sue that testing company. 567 00:19:12,937 --> 00:19:14,338 They didn't say we weren't allowed 568 00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:15,778 - to celebrate the results. - No. 569 00:19:15,803 --> 00:19:19,083 We just have to come up with a response to this 570 00:19:19,108 --> 00:19:21,987 - to counter these allegations. - We need a distraction. 571 00:19:22,012 --> 00:19:23,780 There's gonna be think pieces about this. 572 00:19:23,805 --> 00:19:25,774 We need a new "new story" 573 00:19:25,799 --> 00:19:27,667 to make everyone forget about this one. 574 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,803 - Animals. - Animals are good. 575 00:19:29,828 --> 00:19:31,388 - Animals are good. - A pregnant panda. 576 00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:33,256 - People love pregnant pandas. - Or like a bear 577 00:19:33,281 --> 00:19:35,067 who goes swimming in someone's swimming pool. 578 00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:37,692 He came down from the mountain, we found him in our swimming pool 579 00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:39,121 - Let's call some zoos. - Call zoos. 580 00:19:39,146 --> 00:19:40,915 - Let's call zoos. - Mm-Kay. 581 00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:42,681 - Hello, zoo. - Hi, Portland Zoo. 582 00:19:42,706 --> 00:19:44,274 Do you have any, uh, hippos 583 00:19:44,299 --> 00:19:46,501 that are friends with chimpanzees? 584 00:19:46,526 --> 00:19:47,694 No. They had a falling out. 585 00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:48,894 How are you, Oregon Zoo? 586 00:19:48,919 --> 00:19:50,687 Do you have, uh, any snakes 587 00:19:50,712 --> 00:19:52,080 who know sign language? 588 00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:54,209 Hi, are there any reports 589 00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:57,379 of alligators who are interested in marrying, 590 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:58,940 uh, a human? 591 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:00,132 Oh, the mayor. 592 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,391 Thank you. 593 00:20:01,570 --> 00:20:03,071 I got it. This is great. 594 00:20:03,352 --> 00:20:05,220 I got two rare tortoises having sex. 595 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:06,713 - Yes. This is it. - Uh-huh, and... 596 00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,973 No, tell me that's not true. [SIGHS] 597 00:20:09,770 --> 00:20:11,505 Thanks for trying. He pulled out. 598 00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:13,665 - Jeez. - That's it. This is terrible. 599 00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:16,872 No one is gonna want to come to Portland ever again. 600 00:20:16,897 --> 00:20:18,332 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 601 00:20:18,492 --> 00:20:20,493 Great piece. Great piece, Anna. 602 00:20:21,082 --> 00:20:22,917 - Oh, this is so exciting. - I did it! 603 00:20:22,942 --> 00:20:24,478 This is an incredible story. 604 00:20:24,503 --> 00:20:26,938 And now this is a bright, shining light 605 00:20:26,963 --> 00:20:28,846 on the problem, nobody can ignore it. 606 00:20:28,871 --> 00:20:30,074 Yes! Yes. 607 00:20:30,099 --> 00:20:31,731 - I'm just so proud... - Listen! Listen. 608 00:20:31,755 --> 00:20:34,000 - To have you on my staff. - I just got an anonymous tip. 609 00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:35,456 And you're gonna want to hear that. 610 00:20:35,481 --> 00:20:37,496 - What is it, Francesca? - Did the mayor step down? 611 00:20:37,521 --> 00:20:40,258 No. Portland is getting a Whole Foods 365. 612 00:20:40,283 --> 00:20:41,298 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 613 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:42,757 - Oh, my God. - On opening day, 614 00:20:42,782 --> 00:20:44,188 they're giving away free ice cream. 615 00:20:44,213 --> 00:20:45,239 Oh, my God. 616 00:20:45,264 --> 00:20:48,567 Yeah, but we're... we're leading with my story. 617 00:20:48,592 --> 00:20:49,945 - Right? - Well... 618 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,820 I mean... 619 00:20:52,648 --> 00:20:55,752 Sir, congratulations are in order. 620 00:20:57,701 --> 00:20:59,469 Wholly guacamole! 621 00:20:59,494 --> 00:21:02,397 [QUIRKY MUSIC] 622 00:21:03,923 --> 00:21:06,293 ? ? 623 00:21:09,944 --> 00:21:12,380 So, we're out here just holding our dicks in our hand, 624 00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:13,542 [BLEEP]ing around. 625 00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:15,264 All they're doing is [BLEEP]ing themselves. 626 00:21:15,289 --> 00:21:16,545 They're a two-headed tarantula. 627 00:21:16,570 --> 00:21:17,787 On the left, "New York Times." 628 00:21:17,812 --> 00:21:19,080 It spins its own web. 629 00:21:19,105 --> 00:21:20,152 It eats its young. 630 00:21:20,177 --> 00:21:21,779 [SIGHS] 631 00:21:21,804 --> 00:21:23,239 Hey, let me see that scarf! 632 00:21:23,943 --> 00:21:28,843 Synced and corrected by Pisuly www.addic7ed.com 633 00:21:28,893 --> 00:21:33,443 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0